Creating Closure

Ever had a connection with someone that ended, and you didn’t know why?

Sometimes relationships end abruptly, without clarity. Whether it’s a friendship, a romantic relationship, or a family bond that’s been cut off, we seek closure – an explanation, an apology, or even just an acknowledgment. When we don’t receive this, we’re left feeling abandoned, confused and powerless.

The desire for closure is a natural human response. Closure provides us with answers, helps us make sense of the situation, and allows us to tie up loose ends emotionally.

When we don’t receive the answers that we feel we need, it leaves us with lingering questions and unresolved emotions. This can see us looping through mental replays, scripting conversations and spiralling thoughts. These take up a lot of energy (especially when they occur in the middle of the night), but they don’t change our reality.

A relationship breakdown without closure can trigger:

• Emotional Turmoil: Our emotions feel tangled and unprocessed. We may feel outraged, abandoned and confused. We believe that answers from the other person will restore emotional balance.
• Need for Control: It reminds us that other people’s choices impact us. We don’t have full control in relationships or the people involved. We want to know more, but it is outside our control.
• Impact to self-esteem: We may feel that this person has ended the relationship with no explanation because that’s all we deserve. This can see us leaving the door open for reconciliation. It can also see us attracting unhealthy connections and repeating dysfunctional patterns in the future.

Investing energy in a person who has checked out, hoping they will support our wellbeing is likely to lead to additional pain. It can take time, but closure is something we can learn to create for ourselves to heal from hurt and move forward. Here are a few ideas that could help:

1. Grow in acceptance by releasing expectations

One of the first steps to closure is to accept that the other person is either unwilling or unable to provide the answers you seek. It may not be how you’d end a relationship, but that is outside your control. It can hurt, but once you truly release any expectation, you stop putting energy where it serves no purpose, and instead focus on what you can do.

2. Reflect and Work with Your Emotions

Acknowledging the emotional impact of the relationship and its end and working through your emotions helps create closure. Give your emotions space to be exactly as they are, without needing to control, numb or escape them. 

When you feel ready, look back at the relationship. What signs were there? Why do you believe it ended?  Look at what you learned, how you’ve grown from the experience and what you’re grateful for. Journaling, talking with a trusted friend and/or professional can help.

3. Forgive for Your Own Peace

Forgiveness is the ultimate letting go. It is not about condoning the other person’s behaviour or them not deserving it; it’s a decision to release the emotional grip that their actions have had on you. Holding on to anger, resentment, or hurt prolongs your suffering. Forgiveness frees you from the emotional weight of the past and allows you to move forward with peace.

4. Focus on Your Healing and Growth

Shift your energy toward personal growth and healing. Engage in activities that nurture your mind, body, and soul. Self-care practices like meditation, breathwork, exercise and creative hobbies can help you reconnect with yourself. Nurturing your own well-being neutralises pain from the past.

5. Invest in Healthy Connections

Surround yourself with people who respect and support you. Give yourself plenty of time to form new connections. A supportive network will help you to grow in confidence to be yourself and to create genuine, healthy relationships.

Human connection is a powerful force, but not all relationships are good for us, or meant to last. While closure from others may not always be possible, we do have the power to make peace with the past and heal within ourselves. When we are healthy, we make healthier choices. This includes who we choose to connect with.

If you’d like support to create your own closure, I’m here to help. Feel free to book a kinesiology balance with me.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash