Harmony is an ideal we can constantly strive for. Harmony within ourselves, with other people and with the world around us.
As I write this, upheaval is continually emerging in the world – conflict, pandemic, people not feeling heard. People without homes, people unsafe in their homes. We can name so many more reasons to feel worried and afraid. When humans operate from fear, the world is a scary place.
Other people stress us out. We stress ourselves out! The uncertainty can be overwhelming, and peace and harmony become elusive; something we can’t quite reach. In these situations, many of us seek to hold a higher level of control, with the belief that control = safety.
The issue though, is that very few things are within our control. We can’t control all the problems of the world, what other people do, what the weather does, how someone speaks to you. Nor can we control own thoughts and feelings, our genetic make-up, or whether we like tomatoes.
So what are some small steps we can take to restore harmony and where do we start?
Let’s focus on the impact other people have on our harmony. Humans have the greatest capacity to trigger other humans. People we love, people we don’t like; people we work with. Family members! When triggered, we tend to behave differently to our “real” self; certainly not our best self.
How do you respond in these situations? Do you retreat? Do you attack?
Maybe you try to think your way through: If you know why, surely you can change it so that you feel better? But this is the thinking brain’s downfall – it deals in reason and logic. Emotions are neither, so investing energy to figure it out is unlikely to change how you feel. It may even fuel the feeling – you might think up an amazing script of the conversation you’ll have with that person. Have you ever then attempted the conversation in real life? The other person doesn’t know their lines!
Where do you want to invest your energy? Into fuelling triggered feelings, or processing them and moving on with life?
Next time you feel stressed or triggered, here’s an experiment you could try:
- Give yourself permission to feel how you feel, without judgement (remember, feelings are not rational; there’s no wrong or right.) You don’t need to name the underlying emotion, although it will often be aligned with either fear or anger.
- Ask yourself if you feel more drawn to a fight response (attack) or a flight response (retreat).
- Do something physical about it. This part’s important. If you can’t do something immediately, make an agreement to do so at the first available opportunity, then follow through. If you feel drawn to fight, try doing something with your upper body – dig in your garden, punch a pillow (sounds intense – stay with me!), or get in your car with your windows up and yell as loud as you can. If you feel drawn to flight, get your legs moving – go for a run, a hike or walk the dog.
- Notice how this changes how you feel.
Physical movement is a tangible way to reduce stress. If your body’s not helping you to process emotions, it’s helping you store them.
Harmony begins within, when we let go of the need to control so much and accept that we can’t control the world around us, the people around us, or how we respond to our triggers. What we can control is what we do. That’s all, and that’s enough.
If you’d like support to invest your energy into processing the underlying causes for triggers and moving on with life, get in touch or make a booking today.