Do you ever feel stuck in a loop of things you’d like to change, weighed down by expectations, obligations and self-judgement? What if you could feel more freedom and choice? More relaxed in your body and mind?

Our words hold power.

Most people who work with me will at some point hear me declare that my least favourite word is “should”- usually in response to them using it in a self-critical way.

All words are welcome in my clinic. I am quite difficult to offend, and I really enjoy listening to people’s creative self-expression – four letter words included. But “should” is a sneaky, six-letter swear word that I’d like outlawed.

By definition, the word “should” indicates obligation, duty, or correctness. Even the Oxford dictionary definition says it is typically used when criticizing someone’s actions.  It is steeped in blame, judgement and failure. We use it against ourselves and others in these ways and with these underlying judgements:

  • “I should have gone to bed earlier” = I failed and now I’ll be tired all day.
  • “I should have been there for that person” = I failed and I’m a bad friend.
  • “I should eat better” = I failed and I’ll never lose weight.

Should weighs us down and makes us feel powerless. Also, compare “should” with the word “shoulder.” In my practice, I’ve noticed that people who frequently “should” themselves often have increased shoulder tension that may extend into other parts of the body. This is not coincidence. I have demonstrated with hundreds of clients the physical body’s response to “should.”  It consistently creates stress.

Now let’s consider the word “could.” It rhymes with should but is an entirely different vibe. It’s a word that I’d like to hear a lot more of, because it is used to indicate choice and empowerment. 

Could feels expansive and lighter in our mouths, our minds and our bodies. It transforms the words we surround it with, opening us to greater choice and possibility. Using the same words as before, the meaning becomes entirely different:

  • “I could have gone to bed earlier” = but I chose to enjoy another chapter of the book I was reading. I may choose differently next time.
  • “I could have been there for that person” = but I chose a different priority on this occasion.  I may choose differently next time.
  • “I could eat better” = but on balance I eat well, and I chose to eat the thing that made me feel good in that moment. If I don’t love how I feel after eating it, I may use that information to choose differently next time.

My challenge for you is this: Catch your “shoulds” and replace them with “could.” Even when it doesn’t work to swap them exactly, get creative – you’ll be able find something more expansive than “should” to free you up.

Let’s be aware of the power of our words and not use them in a way that weighs us down or keeps us stuck. Let’s speak in a way that opens us up to lightness and possibility. We have a level of choice in everything we do. If we don’t like the result of our choices, we get to choose differently next time. That’s how we learn.

If you’d like some help to live an empowered life with more freedom and enjoyment, you’re most welcome to book a kinesiology balance with me.

Photo by Abhishek Koli on Unsplash