It’s never been more important – or more obvious – that we need much more care in our world. We are in desperate need of carers. But caring can be a dangerous act!
Looking after others can be physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. It can involve a lot of self-sacrifice. As a carer, whether paid or unpaid, there is almost always someone in need of your time and energy.
But how close are you to burnout? And how often have you gotten to this point?
What if we could turn the concept of self-care into something more daring and rebellious? Is it possible to unapologetically and genuinely build the energy and resilience you need to meet your own needs, so you can thrive while truly supporting others?
Are you willing to see the signs before they hit you?
The signs may look one or more of these:
- You feel irritable, frustrated and reactive.
- You find other people (not just those you care for) more difficult than usual.
- You withdraw from people, including those you’d normally go to for support.
- You find small decisions more difficult.
Left unchecked and unaddressed, these symptoms will deteriorate, along with our capacity for care. We become carers in crisis: overworked, frustrated, and unappreciated. We can feel resentful, cynical, and detached. We carry tension in our bodies, and our immunity can be impacted.
Here are some ideas to help us act on the early signs and choose to rebelliously and daringly care for ourselves:
- Create flexible plans, with expectations to match
The people you care for are unpredictable. Some days are easier than others, so make plans, but be ready for them to change. If expectations are too high, you’ll struggle when things don’t go the way you hoped. A willingness to adapt helps you adjust as needed.
You’re also allowed to take the easy path and do less than originally planned.
- Choose your availability and set your boundaries
Take a moment to consider whether you are too available. If interruptions frequently take you off task, you may need to limit your availability. This can have limitations depending on who you’re caring for, but as long as everyone is safe, start permitting yourself to take longer to respond to questions or messages. You are also allowed to say “no” or “not yet” or “I’m in the middle of something, let’s talk later” without apologising. When you place a higher value on your time and energy, it offers many benefits: it frees up your capacity while empowering others to trust their own decisions and seek a more diverse range of supports.
- Self-compassion helps grow your capacity
This step can be very challenging. I have a lot more to offer on this point, but here are just a few ideas to start with:
- Aim for kindness in your self-talk (see inner narrator: friend or foe?). When your focus is on the needs of others, you will miss things. Beating yourself up when you make mistakes is unhelpful. Think of how you’d speak to a struggling friend and try addressing yourself with the same level of encouragement.
- Practice honouring your capacity rather than challenging it. This means not cramming more tasks into your available time.
- Create space to reduce stimulation. Quiet time by myself has become non-negotiable for me – time where I don’t have to listen or speak to anyone. This conscious act of self-care allows me to hold space more effectively for others in my work and personal life.
- Connect with your support crew
I believe we all need a support crew to check in on us and challenge us (with care) on a regular basis. My crew includes paid professionals, as well as informal supporters – trusted friends and family members who want what’s best for me. Carers understand carers. We can work together to support, hold each other to account and celebrate each other’s successes.
- Do the things you love for pure enjoyment
These acts can be as small as you like – the point is to enjoy, not achieve. I like to plan breaks and experiences (usually while I’m on a previously planned break) so that I always have a few things to look forward to. They don’t have to cost anything.
Hot tip: the things that were fun when you were a kid are still fun as an adult. I dare you to try it and see for yourself! [Unless it’s a cartwheel – from personal experience, over-40-cartwheels can lead to a strained groin.]
You are a better version of yourself when you do what you love. This is particularly important if you care for others in both your work and your personal life. If your work is fulfilling and you love it, that is the best thing ever! But caring can be a hard slog. There are actions we can take, both within and outside the caregiving environment, that help build your energy, capacity, and resilience so you can keep showing up authentically as your divine, caring self.
If you feel like it’s time for a boost of rebellious self-care, I can be part of your support crew. Feel free to book a kinesiology balance with me. Please keep choosing care for yourself—unapologetically and rebelliously. You are too precious not to. The world needs you!
Photo by Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash
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